Why?

Why do we crucify ourselves? Are we not happy with who we are, where we are going and the lives we are living? If so, are we really living the life that is intended for us? What if what we think is black is really white and what we think is black is really grey?

How can we know for sure what is on the other side if we've never really been there?

I wasted ten years of my life on a lifestyle that really wasn't me. I emotionally drained myself trying to live how "friends" and family wanted me to live. When certain things in my life began to fall apart, very few of those friends gave any kind of support or even stayed around. I ended up in a deep depression and became so bad off that I had to start being treated by the county provider where I live.

Then again, part of the reason I needed the county provder was because I had a period three years ago when I could not afford my psychiatric visits, counseling or my medication. Even with insurance, the cost is outrageous due to high copays. I get my care for free now.

This has been an absolute blessing. I've been able to get consistent care over the past two and a half years and am once productive again. I've not had a hospitalization in two years, I'm married once more and my life is just so much more stable.

Also, I'm blessed enough to have a job as a behavioral health technician in a residential facility that currently houses three women with Schizophrenia (we have capacity for four). All of these women are cared for by the county provider, which the agency I am employed by is contracted with.

Recently, the county chose a new provider. The previous was under a lot of scrutiny and had a huge lawsuit filed against them. I think this is a huge turning point for the public behavioral health system here. All of us who work in the field anticipate a more efficient and reliable system. I can't wait to see what happens.